Worship

I want to run. I want to run. I want to run.

Maybe because I am so hopeful that I will be able to run on Thursday, that this burning desire to run is present most days.

I really contemplated joining Erin for a mile of her long run tomorrow (tomorrow is 20 for her!). But Erin and Christine told me that I was an idiot to do that. So I guess I will wait for the official "ok".

I spent yesterday morning doing the 2 hours of hot, sweaty yoga. It was great. I appreciate how I can push myself. How every class is a mental challenge. The irony (? or perhaps it isn't irony, since irony is often misidentified) is that so much of yoga is also granting patience and acceptance with what you can do at that moment. It presents a peculiar juxtaposition of sorts. And I probably didn't use that word correctly. But that is ok. Because Yoga says so.

But anyhow, time on my mat is spent pushing, pushing and pushing. And not caving, even when my f'ng thigh is on FIRE from being in Warrior for like 6 minutes. Or 30 seconds. Or when my arms seriously are shaking because we are holding down dog for far too long. But it's also about telling myself that doing a bridge between wheels is more than ok since too many wheels causes tightness in my upper back. It's about viewing the use of a strap or block as not failing but as recognizing the importance of extra support. And the fact that it indeed can bring better opportunity. I guess it is all about finding the balance. Which by the way, balance in Warrior 3 can be quite hard to find.

Yoga is not about reaching an ultimate place. But then again, neither is running.

Yoga is reminding me that I have a fair amount of mental toughness. But it is also helping me on my journey of forgoing the notion of perfection. It is crazy for a place that is so non-judgemental, for a practice that is so individualized and so obviously a continuum of constant growth, that I still twist it into a self competition. For some that may seem obvious and "ok" to do. But I look forward to finding some forgiveness on my mat. And acceptance. And even when I am back to running, I will continue to practice yoga. Because it really does fit into my own personal religion of sorts. It means far more to me than an opportunity to expel gallons of sweat and tone and stretch muscles.  I think many answers lie within the practice of yoga.

I look forward to the day that I can be on my mat. And not be affected by those around me. I remind myself that most likely this is not a milestone that once I hit, I am there for good. But I do believe that I can reach a place where the vast majority of the time, I am indeed unaffected by the world beyond my mat. And if you think that is a metaphor, you better f'ng believe it. I am hoping that this can be done without the need to purchase a 25 foot by 40 foot mat...with brick walls surrounding it...